As I sit down to write this, I have just over 56,000 words written in my “Book Draft 1” document. Someday, somehow, I will hold the book in my hands. Until then, the word count ticking up up up at the bottom of the page gives me tremendous hope and pride.
Initially I wrote most of the first post of C. Etcetera while I was still working for a law firm in May. I’d taken a few days off to heal (wishful thinking, that shit takes wayyyy longer) and I spent the afternoon writing the two page piece which I’d envisioned turning into a longer project… maybe even a book. I kept rereading what I wrote and messing with it and I remember thinking, “you’ll never be able to write a book this way” because I was being too critical, too judgmental, too hard on myself. The thing didn’t even exist yet and I thought it wasn’t good enough. There’s no way for creativity to blossom under those conditions.
That’s why those 56,000 words feel so important–subversive even. It is a result of a concentrated effort to let myself make this thing and in the process heal some of my perfectionist tendencies along with it. I joked with my therapist that writing a book was really my decoy for much bigger fish I had to fry– figuring myself out! That of course is going to take more than a draft or a book or even a career. The process of understanding yourself takes a lifetime. When I’m feeling low that can discourage me, but I try to remind myself what a privilege (and oftentimes joy) it is to get to tinker with your life. With writing and living, we get to edit!
On to the nitty gritty. I am a process person so I have enjoyed thinking about the methodology for this project almost as much as I have enjoyed actually writing. I have learned A LOT but here is one takeaway.
You have to do the thing to get it done.
This seems like a no brainer but it is true. You cannot just think about the thing or say you are going to do the thing or worry about said thing. Nike is right, just do it!
Once I got started, I learned that the act of doing is so informative. I’ve wanted to write a book since I was a child. It truly has been a lifelong dream. I even tried, halfheartedly, in college and the project fizzled. As a result, I was deeply worried that I would start and then not be able to finish– that would tell people I was writing a book and then I would run out of steam and not complete it. This happens with all kinds of dreams or goals, but my specific worry was that I’d run out of ideas for the story. However, not too long into the project I realized the story was there and I just had to be diligent about getting it out. I learned that I have an abundance of creativity in me. We all do. Creativity should not be regarded with a scarcity mindset. The more you make, the more you will make.
It was a great feeling to realize one of the things that had hindered me from writing longform fiction for so long was not necessarily as big of a problem as I’d made it out to be. Now, as with everything, other problems that you can’t foresee arise, but that’s life folks. I have a whiteboard in my office in which I have inscribed, “the goal is to be present for the process.” To me that means celebrating the wins as they come and giving myself the time and space I need as I navigate the difficulties associated with this project AND the difficulties associated with being a human. I cannot hate myself better. This is a lesson I’m learning over and over again.
I’ve got so much more to say about these things– the act of creating, fear, perfectionism, the writing process, the book etc. If there’s particular things that you’d like to hear more about, let me know in the comments or reply to this email!!
With gratitude,
Cooper
So proud of you for “doing the thing” and being present for the process!!